Living with the A-Bomb

The other day I got one of the usual texts requesting we talk. Ugh. At least this one wasn’t redundant. Ange asked when I whether I would be home that night and I said I would be but didn’t know exactly when. She said “I need to talk to you” I said, “Okay”. 

I ended up doing a million errands and was home home for the equivalent of 20 min, and at that exact moment there happened to be some construction workers on my front porch. 

As I ran out the door to leave, Ange says “So, do you just wanna talk tomorrow then?” and I said something to the effect of “Sure, though I’m not home in the evening so it’ll have to be in the morning before I go to work. I’ll get up before you leave.” 

So, being the good person I am, I got myself up at 7:15 to go downstairs and talk to her. 

She says “So, basically all I wanted to say was that I can’t have these cats here anymore. I’ve had enough, and they are ruining my house.”

I said “I get it. I’m going to move. I’m waiting to hear back about a place, I should know by the end of the weekend. I’m not about to get rid of my cats.”

She said she got it, and asked when I was planning on leaving so that she could find a student and start showing the place to people. I told her my intention was to move as soon as I was back from my trip. I mentioned that my plan was to take the cats to my dad’s while I was gone so that they weren’t there while I was away. She looked relieved. I made a crack about how I told the guy at the apartment I looked at that I had to move to save our friendship. 

“It’s not that you’re a hard person to live with. I just can’t deal with these cats.”

No, I’m NOT a hard person to live with. You are.

So to further the story from the other night when Ange had a meltdown, it should be pointed out that she vented on facebook. She also threatened to kill my cats.

I’m pretty happy that Ian kinda seemingly stuck up for me in a way, telling Ange basically that life sucks. 

I have to say though, my favourite part is the last part where Ange and Robby Love are now friends. Admit it, you’re dying to know what his FB looks like. It does not disappoint. 

I read this post from passiveaggressivenotes.com and thought to myself “at least I don’t have to deal with this…”

So, to give you something to read, check it out:

My Self-Righteous Vegan Roomate

I was gone all weekend, working in Toronto. I left Thursday morning and didn’t get home until about 9pm Sunday. 

While I was gone I got the following text messages:

“Ham just ate a piece of plastic. Choked and then vomited. Loser!” (Gross)

“When will u b home?”

“Not til 9ish.”

“K. I think u need to figure out this cat litter so it still gets done daily even when u r gone. It even smells in the living room. I know you think I’m nagging about this but it’s not the greatest smell to live with”

“I did it Wed night before I left. It’s impossible to do when I’m not home I know it smells but I can’t do it when I’m not there. Sorry. :(“ 

“U might want to get that tv off the floor until the rain stops. I don’t know the threshold of that basement and your parking spot is completely flooded.”

“I’ll add it to the list of things to do. Not much I can do while working in Toronto”.

“Add cleaning cat puke off your carpet in the living room to the list”

“Another time or you just ignored it last night?”

“I just got home today. So sometime over the weekend. Noticed it by stepping in it! Sure u will think that is funny :)”

So, evidently, my being gone for the weekend means that I still have to empty the cat litter and clean up the cat barf, even if she already stepped in it. 

Yes, she LEFT the barf for me to clean up. 

And I have to give a friend my key and PAY them to come deal with the cat litter while I’m gone on my vacation because she doesn’t like dealing with it. 

Since moving into our new home my skin and I have been at odds. Breakouts, dry scalp, the works.

This may be more information than you, dear readers, need to know but it’s imperative to the story.

I think I’m learning the way to get things done without a fight. I offhandedly mention things and hope that they sink into her psyche and later resurface as ideas. It’s kinda like Inception except that when dealing with someone as oblivious as my dear roommate the subject doesn’t have to be asleep.

I remembered that not too long ago she made mention of the water softener. It might have been during the water pressure discussion. She said she didn’t know if she would hook it up or not. She also said something about the water filter and replacing it.I was discussing the situation with a friend and she suggested I do the leg work of finding how to hook it up and get it going. Maybe if I did the work she wouldn’t freak out about cost. I agreed it might help, but it’s always hard to know how to approach things.

So, yesterday I tried my new tactic of Inception-ing. I got home and she was in the kitchen.

“Oh my god. I don’t know whats up with my skin but look! I’ve got these horrible dry spots everywhere (I indicate by pointing at like, 10 different locations of my body) and look! Look at my scalp! Good lord, I better wear a freakin white shirt on this date or dude’s gonna be seeing frickin snow on my shoulders.” (insert whiny voice) I said.

“I know!!” She said. “Me too! My head is so itchy! I think it’s this water… I think I’m going to get that water softener hooked up again. And change the filter on it too.”

(*ding ding ding!*)

“You think that’s it?” I say, “I don’t remember if my old place had a water softener but I don’t remember ever having such issues..”

“I don’t know, but it’s worth a shot. This is shitty city water. I’m going to see what Mark is doing and see if he wants to come help me fix it.”

 - - - -

I went out for coffee with a guy and on the way home was greeted with this text message:

Ange: “You have a stopper that works!! And a fire extinguisher. And filters for the water thing. And Nameless sent me a shirtless pic!”

(more on the Nameless shirt picture later)

Ange: “Oh and can’t do soft water but replaced filter and water pressure is at least 50% better. Make sure to run your taps for a bit though.”

I arrived home and was greeted with “Hey! Look!! I’m running the dishwasher! AND running the tap! And the toilet filled while I was running water too! And oh my god, you have to see the water filter. It was effin disgusting. (It was. I saw it. It kinda looked like brown sludge) AND you have a light in your room downstairs.”

So, I think Inception worked.

We live in an old house. This I understand. However, I grew up in an old house, and my grandparents live in an old house, and my other grandma lived in her house for 87 years … and it was old when she moved into it. So I’m not uneducated on the subject of “old house” (And our house we moved into is like, 80 years old. My “home-home” is like, 130. So boo-ya).

That being said, I don’t think it’s normal that the water pressure in our house completely disappears when you run something that uses significant water.

Example: When the washing machine is filling up there is absolutely no water coming out of any other tap in the house.

I get that a drop in pressure should be expected. A complete lack of water seems a bit unreasonable. The pressure is shitty at the best of times, but I can deal with that. I just want to be able to like, put my laundry in AND maybe brush my teeth or do anything that doesn’t require me standing around for 10 min while the thing fills up.

So I mentioned this. I was told “It’s an old house, it’s normal. I’ve lived in lots of old houses and this is the same. It’s likely the water heater, it’s not a big one and it’s older.”

I disagree - why does the cold water not work when I’m filling up something with cold water? But I shouldn’t do that. Disagree that is. It just causes fights.

So I took it upon myself to try to troubleshoot online. You know, to solve the problem myself. Because, frankly, I like to have showers that actually rinse the soap from my hair. Have you ever tried to shower in a rain storm? Because that’s about how this feels and I’m not really a fan.

Suggestions included valves not being totally open, kinks or clogs in the line, or possibly issues outside of the house. The water heater was not a likely reason for the issue, unless it wasn’t filling up correctly. But like I said, the hot water isn’t the issue.

I got home and mentioned that I’d done some asking around. She took offense to my bashing her water (at least this is what I assume she was so annoyed with). Had the same convo about it being an old house.

Then I got shown where all the valves are. We checked them, turned them off and on and tried to troubleshoot.

I got guilt-tripped for asking: “Well, if it makes you feel uncomfortable as a tenant then I will call a plumber, but I don’t think theres any problems and it’s just one more thing I have to pay for to get fixed…”

I reiterated that it’s not a big deal, just that in my experience it doesn’t seem normal. I just thought that if it was something simple that between the two of us we could easily fix then it was worth checking out. We tried looking at the things and nothing stood out, so who knows where the problem is.

This continued throughout the night. She put her laundry in (after 9pm, of course, because of the smart meter system!) and then came to my room to tell me that the water only stopped when it was filling up, and can I live with not being able to brush my teeth or flush a toilet while it fills?

Sure. Of course I can. If it means you’re not going to make me feel bad about it, I’ll just shut up and deal with it.

And start dating a plumber.

I’m not going to lie, I dragged my feet going home. I called my best friend and vented to her. She laughed her ass off at me and kinda calmed me down.

Arrived in the door, took my boots off. She was watching TV on her computer in the kitchen. Hovered around the kitchen for a while, not really sure how to start this process. Finally started walking towards upstairs when she says “when do you want to have this talk?”

I say “Now’s fine, if you aren’t busy… or we can when you’re done whatever you’re watching…”

So we talked. I had to go first. I opened with some line about my mini wheats, saying I wasn’t trying to make a big deal out of it. Then asked what was included in my rent, since we hadn’t talked about that yet. She tells me I get a bedroom, a bathroom, and that the kitchen and living room are mine to do with them what I want.

And then we got to the head of all this bitchy attitude.

She’s mad at me because I didn’t help clean the house upon moving in.

I was apparently to know that she required more assistance from me. I should have just read her mind and started cleaning somewhere, anywhere. But instead I didn’t.

She wanted to get the house spic and span before putting things anywhere. I didn’t grab a mop and just clean whatever.

So maybe I didn’t. However, I had things I had to accomplish on friday. I had to pick up the cats, I had to take a u-haul back, I had to pick up Ren. If she wanted help, she should have said “Hey, I’m going to tackle the kitchen, do you mind tackling the bathroom?” or something like that.

I told her “I’m not a mind reader - if you were pissed about then say so. You should have just said ‘hey, wanna tackle ___________ while I do __________?’ I had no idea what you wanted done”.

She says “When I said I wanted to clean, I meant I wanted to clean the whole house. I’m not your mother, I’m not going to tell you what to do”.

I told her “well, I know you say you’re not my mother, but I feel like I have to ask permission from you before I can do anything”.

She didn’t really like that.

She pointed out that I’m pretty lucky to get to live here for a short time and without a lease and I’m getting a lot more than most people do when they rent from someone.

I told her “what do you mean by “short time”? I’m not going anywhere any time soon. It could be a year from now”.

Apparently “Short time” is anything less than the 5-10 years she plans on staying.

We discussed the fact that apparently my rent only covers some things and she’s paying a fluctuating mortgage, and the heat and hydro etc etc. Which, sure, I guess I can understand that.

I’m a really forgiving person, I give everyone multitudes of chances.

Even her.

I promised to help clean up. I told her “if you want something done, it’s your house, just say so”.

A few key points I should sum up, so that I don’t forget the rules:

    * Yes - I do have to ask permission to do anything (like hang pictures) because it’s her house.
    * Because I’m lucky I can use any and all of the house - if I was anyone else I’d just have my room and the common areas (not really sure how this differs.)
    * Because I’m not really using the room in the basement that has been given to me, it’s now not really to be used.
    * I can plug my nightlights in. Just have to turn them off every day because we’re on smart meters and it’s SUPER expensive to run things during the day.
    * I’m still allowed to paint my room or hang up pictures in there - just have to fill the holes before I leave.
    * We still can’t hang pictures despite the fact that she’s probably going to have to tear down the walls to fix the electrical.

So, the air is somewhat cleared now. I spent my evening vacuuming the stairs and cleaning my bathroom. I’m going to try to stick it out for the next little while, maybe til the end of the summer. If not for the fact that I’ve got “such a sweet deal” but for the fact that maybe I’m willing to put myself through hell just for the sake of hilarity.

I’m not an aggressive person. That might be obvious by my passive aggessive ranting that is this blog. I’m also not good at using my words like a big girl when put on the spot. I prefer time to digest my thoughts and write them out if need be - I can better put my issues into the written word so that I can be sure to say what needs to be said as diplomatically as possible. So after the mini wheats debate earlier, I sent Ange a message:

    I’m not looking to start a fight. You home tonight? I think we should hammer out a few details about my being either a friend living with you  to help you with your mortgage or an official by the books tenant, what rent is going to include/not include etc.

I got this back:

    I tried that the other night but you were pretty unresponsive to a talk. It has nothing to do with money at all but as a friend you’ve been pretty unresponsive to anything lately and I’m getting frustrated. you’ve got a pretty sweet deal here and I’m want to make this house livable, including clean it from the previous tenants and im not getting much help! Your rent covers 1/3 of the bills and you have more than half of the run of the house and I’m not complaining! Maybe we will just do this by the book to clarify things for both. Talk tonight.

Big Sigh. Pretty sure $450 is not 1/3 of the bills. So I hammered out a response on my phone (which is still T9 by the way)

    I don’t know what you want from me. I’m feeling like this has very quickly gone from us sharing a house, as it originally seemed was going to be the plan, to me renting a room, with minimal to no say in anything. Yes i’m lucky to not have to sign a lease, but at the same time you were dependent on me helping with the mortgage when you decided to buy. I’m not opposed to cleaning etc, and am more than willing to do my share. If you think a written schedule is necessary, then that’s fine with me. I’ve been unresponsive, as you put it, because at the end of the day it’s your house and you have first and final say. All my suggestions have been declined so I don’t feel like there’s much input I need to/can have. It doesn’t feel like I’ve got half a house at all. It feels like I have a room and a shared kitchen. And a bathroom with a tub that I can use. I’ll be home by 6.

More to come, I’m sure. Stay tuned.

We finally had this oh-so-important talk that I’ve been dreading.

She wants to make a CLEANING schedule.

A god. damn. cleaning. schedule.

What ever happened to sitting around on a Sat morning and just saying to each other “You know what? We’ve both got an hour or so free. Lets get this place tidied up?”

Also - I was asked to please “not disrespect my house”. What does she think I’m going to do!? I actually asked that. “Seriously? You feel the need to ask me that outright? What do you think I’m going to do? I’m not going to have massive parties, I’m not going to trash the place.”

I’m doomed. 100% percent doomed.